here at the somonauk library
i've had a mini crisis of faith for a couple of days
i was slowly weaning myself off of 2 of my psyche meds over a 3 month period
i had gone from 8 mg of risperidone to 0 mg
i had gone from 225 mg of effexor to 75 mg
that lasted for about 3 or 4 days
then i started feeling squirrelly
i started getting into crazy thinking again
so 2 days ago i went back to 1 1/2 mg of risperidone and 150 mg of effexor
now i feel stable again
i'll wait here for a month or so to make sure i stay stable
if i get squirrelly again i'll increase them again
i was doing this with the knowledge of my psychiatrist
i've told hime i've increased the dosages now too
he's asked to be kept informed
that's what he had said too when i'd told him i wanted to cut back
anyway
the crisis of faith has been because God is not enough for me
i need meds too
i know it's silly
i don't have a crisis of faith because i have to take my diabetes medications
so what's the difference
i guess it's that when it comes to mental illness it feels as though meds are somehow a crutch
as though i have a weak will
or not enough faith
when i guess i should just realize that illness is illness
sigh
you'd think i would've learned my lesson
i tried the same thing (only i was on only 1 medication then) 19 years ago and i went crazy then until i went back on meds
maybe i thought time had healed me
well i know better now
God bless

signing off
goodbye for now