well
i'm over at chloe and jeff's using their wifi
and
now that i'm here
i can't think of what i wanted to blog about
oh
i know
faith and i went to her school's "holiday party" last night
why they had it on january 22nd instead of during the holiday season i don't know
but apparently they do this every year
we had a good time
and the food was great
i had ordered the pork chops
i got two of the biggest thickest chops i've ever seen
and they had a wonderful encrusted something or other on them
i finished all but 1 bite
unfortunattely
faith had a nice piece of prime rib
now on to another subject
i talked to a cousin in kentucky who recently had back surgery today
she is having a lot of pain again
what's worse is that she is now having pain in her legs which she didn't before
when i saw my neurologist at the va on thursday
she said i wasn't a candidate for another surgery because i'm not in constant severe pain
the fact that i can't stand up straight without support isn't a good enough reason
she was happy that chloe and jeff gave me a walker for Christmas
i guess i should be content with that
http://www.somidwestern.blogspot.com is going to be reading the girl with the dragon tattoo
i told her it is an excellent book
someone else had already told her that all 3 books are great
all three
3
she got the girl who kicked the hornet's nest straight from sweden
i'm having to wait till 5/25 when it comes out in the states
oh well
that's it
God bless

signing off
goodbye for now

back in somonauk with faith
it feels so nice to be sane again
i felt so relaxed at home while faith was at school today
i didn't have to be vigilant for signs of craziness
today is wednesday so i go to work tonight
tomorrow i have an appointment at the va with my neurologist at 1pm
after that i will probably go straight to work even though i'll wind up sitting in the parking lot for like 1 to 1 1/2 hours so i'll only see faith early in the morning and at night when i come home to go to bed
i don't don't know
if i think i'd be able to spend 30 - 40 minutes at home i might go home before work
we'll see
friday night is faith's belated Christmas party for work
then saturday morning is my 1 saturday a month off
so my weekend will begin friday morning and go until next wednesday night
yay
i love only working 10 1/2 hours a week
it would be nice if i could work days though
even though i'd have to work 17 1/2 hours a week
i guess i could get used to it
well
God bless

signing off
goodbye for now

here at the somonauk library
i've had a mini crisis of faith for a couple of days
i was slowly weaning myself off of 2 of my psyche meds over a 3 month period
i had gone from 8 mg of risperidone to 0 mg
i had gone from 225 mg of effexor to 75 mg
that lasted for about 3 or 4 days
then i started feeling squirrelly
i started getting into crazy thinking again
so 2 days ago i went back to 1 1/2 mg of risperidone and 150 mg of effexor
now i feel stable again
i'll wait here for a month or so to make sure i stay stable
if i get squirrelly again i'll increase them again
i was doing this with the knowledge of my psychiatrist
i've told hime i've increased the dosages now too
he's asked to be kept informed
that's what he had said too when i'd told him i wanted to cut back
anyway
the crisis of faith has been because God is not enough for me
i need meds too
i know it's silly
i don't have a crisis of faith because i have to take my diabetes medications
so what's the difference
i guess it's that when it comes to mental illness it feels as though meds are somehow a crutch
as though i have a weak will
or not enough faith
when i guess i should just realize that illness is illness
sigh
you'd think i would've learned my lesson
i tried the same thing (only i was on only 1 medication then) 19 years ago and i went crazy then until i went back on meds
maybe i thought time had healed me
well i know better now
God bless

signing off
goodbye for now

at panera in yorkville with my netbook
i gave my testimony again last night
this time at the cr in joliet
it went well
frank rode with me because he was going to be playing bass in the praise band
i let him be the navigator because i didn't have a clue as to where i was going
my weight is hovering around 200 and i need to get serious about what and how much i eat
i am going to get more serious about blogging too
i'll just force myself to use the dog of a computer i have at home with a dial up modem
sigh
i wish we could afford wifi at home
but we can't
sigh
joe and suloni will be getting home today
they flew into hartford for a book and paper show and then headed for new york to visit friends
well my battery is getting low so...
God bless

signing off
goodbye for now

it's a new year already and i haven't blogged in quite a while
faith and i drove to mom's for a week over christmas
we spent the night in an embassy suites in indianapolis
it was free
we used points from out credit card
the next day we picked up joe and suloni at the airport in louisville
we got to see my aunt, my sister and brother-in-law and a nephew and his new love
joe gave me an external dvd drive which attaches to one of the usb ports on my netbook
i am now set
with gift certificates i got (amazon and barnes and noble) i bought 7 books
all in all christmas was awesome
when we got home (on the 30th) we took it easy
we spent new year's eve with chloe, jeff and jordan
faith goes back to work tomorrow and i work wednesday, thursday and saturday
right now we are at borders and i am sitting in the cafe drinking iced coffee and using their wifi
that's it for now
God bless

signing off
goodbye for now